7 Ways to Find Your Purpose When Your Last Child Goes to School
7 Ways to Find Your Purpose When Your Last Child Goes to School
You're suddenly left with an empty house, silence, and hours that can be spent however you want. Although you’ve dreamed of the days when you could shop at Target alone, even Target loses its charm day after day.
It feels like yesterday that you were in the trenches, day in and day out raising babies. Sleepless nights, endless feedings, and a whole lot of diapers. Now those same babies are headed off to school and you almost feel….. Lost. This makes perfect sense since all your time has been spent taking care of them. You're not alone, so many moms are in your exact shoes every August when their last baby heads to school. So how are you supposed to figure out what to do with all your time?
Now the door’s closing on that part of your life and you've started thinking about what could be next. You hear other women talk about finding their purpose but what if you have no clue at all and are having an identity crisis, and don't even know who you were before you started having babies (that was me!).
Maybe something that utilizes your strengths and talents or something you feel passionate or excited about. Do you want to be creative, find a job, join some groups, or get a new hobby?
The problem is how do you even begin to figure it out? Unfortunately, there’s no billboard saying “Exit here to the future of your dreams”. You just want a little nudge or spark, to find the parts of you that went by the wayside while you were taking care of little ones 24-7.
Here are 7 simple ways to figure out your next step:
1-Be patient.
I know this may sound strange, but know that timing is on your side. When you're ready, so will the dream, idea, or purpose. Believing this allows you to not feel frantic, stressed, or worried. You know that everything is rigged in your favor and because of this you can release and relax, knowing that your next move will show up at exactly the right time. Don’t feel like you have to scramble and have a solid next move. Just be willing to trust that when the path shows up, you'll be ready to take the first step onto it.
2- Ask yourself what you already have going for you.
You already have so many strengths and talents. If you're not sure what they are, simply recognizing them is the first step. Try to write down two things you've noticed you do well at the end of each day. After a couple of weeks, you'll have a big list to choose from. By doing this your brain will be on the lookout for even more things you're good at. Try to think outside the box of normal talents like piano, baking, sewing, etc. Think about your personality and how your unique characteristics are talents. Are you a good listener? Do you have systems that you use in your house that make life go so much smoother? This list of traits and strengths can start the wheels in your mind turning towards the next direction you could go.
3- Focus on the good.
When you look at the list you’ll remember that you're good at so many more things than just changing diapers and doing dishes. By making a list your brain is on the lookout for how your specific attributes could be used for future jobs, ideas, or groups. Volunteer opportunities and situations could cause an ah-ha too. Do you love helping in your kids' classrooms? Maybe you would like to be a substitute teacher a couple of times a week. If you love being outside, maybe start a hiking group with other women. As a bonus, the list will help remind you to celebrate all the good that’s inside of you.
4- Notice what excites you.
What Sounds fun? Do you love watching the Food Network or HGTV? These are both little nuggets that help you discover what may have been covered up in the past few years. If you have no clue, just imagine your perfect day. What would you do, who would you be with? Where would you be? Just tapping into the possibilities and your curiosities opens you up to who you are when the laundry isn’t piling up and diapers need changing.
5- Create some affirmations that make you feel excited about the future.
Say it to yourself in the mirror, have a sticky note in your car, or save it as your phone's lock screen. Doing this will help build your relationship with yourself and will remind you you're on the right path. According to the National Library of Public Medicine, “self affirmations broaden a person's overall perspective”. So doing this helps you be on the lookout for exactly what is meant just for you. Make up some that feel true to you or borrow a few of my favorites
-Big things are in my future
-My strengths bless me and those around me
-I’m excited for what my future holds
-I can become anything I want
-I’m open to possibilities that come my way
6- Dream, It's probably been a while since you’ve done that.
What if you had nothing but time and freedom to try anything or be anyone? Is there a class that you could take now? How about an online program or webinar you could attend? Is there a group in your community you could join? You may not be able to do the huge dream today,but the point is to get your compass headed in the direction you want to go
7- Ask those close to you what you have or things they think you're good at.
If coming up with ideas on your own just isn’t working, ask your spouse, close friends, or sisters what strengths, talents, and qualities they think you have. What have they heard you talk about in passing or mentioned, that you may have forgotten about? What do they think your ideal job would be? The people closest to us know us better than we think and they may just surprise you with what they come up with.
Just try one of these exercises from the list and you’ll be well on your way to figuring out what you want to do in this next chapter of your life. You've given so much that it’s time you felt renewed and excited!
Citation:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4814782/Cascio CN, O'Donnell MB, Tinney FJ, Lieberman MD, Taylor SE, Strecher VJ, Falk EB. Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci. 2016 Apr;11(4):621-9. doi: 10.1093/scan/nsv136. Epub 2015 Nov 5. PMID: 26541373; PMCID: PMC4814782.
